my life.

…that the light at the end of my tunnel is retirement.

…I don’t actually care about how loud the hand dryer is. I just said that to make conversation.

I never really knew what it meant to “grow up.” And, if I’m being honest…and realistic…I still have no clue. With my analytical mind, I assume that growing up is buying a car, moving out, having a full-time job, getting married, having kids, grandkids, and then dying. But it’s so much more than that. I guess what I’m trying to take a shot in the dark at is MATURITY. What the eff is that? Learning from your mistakes? Letting your mistakes shape you for the better? Knowing what a relationship between a man and woman is supposed to look like, or figuring out what that means for yourself? That’s the hardest part about this short life for me—figuring out what “balance” is for myself. Recently my best friend shared something with me…”There is only one way to God, but there are multiple ways to Jesus.” It seems so elementary. You hear it, and you’re like, “Well, duh.” But as I kept hearing it play back in my head, I started thinking, “This is…incredible.” This small sentence has completely changed how I pursue Jesus. I went from feeling guilty all the time because I wasn’t following my preconceived notions of how Christianity is supposed to go, to feeling redeemed. To feeling like Jesus COULD love me, even if my path was uncomfortable traveling through my parent’s teachings. And I think…I think it’s things like this that are helping me figure out who I am and what I’m about and what’s okay for me and what brings me the closest to Jesus. I think that’s what maturity is all about.

You’re too hungry to sleep, so you stay awake replaying a thousand times how you would’ve saved her and protected her and kicked him in the balls and then told off everyone else who didn’t rise to the occasion and just wrote it off as something that you do at a party. Cause it’s not something that you do. You use a lot of expletives when you’re yelling at those people so even in their inebriated state they understand that you’re not happy because in a roundabout way they screwed your friend too and so you mean business, and maybe one day people will start to know what love is. Cause right now, people don’t know. They’re too wrapped up in their own agenda to pay attention to the real world and other people and those people’s feelings and how when you are broken, you are not in a position to be taken advantage of. Sometimes, people suck.